Better than Before

If you read my last post, you know that my first day of school was absolute shit. I don't like to cuss, but that's really the best word to describe my first Spanish school experience- shit. 

So what have I been up to the past two days? Am I as miserable as I was before? Do I have friends? Do I understand anything the teachers, let alone my classmates, are saying?

My second and third day of school were fabulous...compared to my first day, at least. I only walked into one wrong class (not my fault- there were two economics classes, how was I supposed to know which one was mine?). 

Even though I have zero idea what's going on the vast majority of the time, I am getting through school just fine (so far). 

I wouldn't say I've made "friends," but I'm talking to a lot of people and it seems like they like me okay! 

Something that I've noticed is that I am exhausted by the time I get home after school. I've been told this is because my brain is always on and translating everything. I believe it, the evidence shows when I fall asleep instantly after lunch.

Jumping back to the topic of school, almost everyone I've met speaks a good amount of English. I love that I have the option to communicate in my native tongue, but I also kind of hate it because it feels like I'm not learning as much Spanish. 

But whenever I do feel like I don't know as much Spanish as I should, I have to remind myself that I've only been in Spain for two weeks (officially two weeks on September 19th!). 

I really have to remember not to be so hard on myself. I want to do well and make friends and understand the language and be able to communicate, and when I am unable to do those things, I feel like I'm kind of failing my mission as an exchange student. 

But. I'm. Not. 

I know I put myself in the most difficult situation I've ever had to face. And I think I'm doing pretty well. Go me!

Something I'm afraid of is having a panic attack. When I get stressed out, I get a lot of anxiety and I sometimes find it difficult to breathe, start shaking and crying, and feel really really afraid. It's scary as well as embarrassing. 

Before I left America for España, I had a few panic attacks thinking about my journey. I would think I wasn't ready and I became overwhelmed. 

Now that I'm in Spain, I am not as afraid. However, when things become increasingly more difficult, I feel I may become stressed and have a panic attack. That is something I never want to happen. 

It's stupid to think about the future in a negative way though. The important thing is that everyday is better than the last and I am enjoying myself immensely in Spain, regardless of the language barrier. 

Muchas gracias! xo

P.S.- Here is a screenshot of a text that my best friend Naomi (from 'Merica) sent me and I found hilarious. 

(I'm pretty sure she meant "princess," but "process" is 10x more accurate)